the tree monkey talkin' rambling in the trees

The book, Freefall to Fly: A Breathtaking Journey Toward a Life of Meaning by Rebekah Lyons was just released this month. It was a quick and easy read. I bought it for a few reasons: the author is a mom who is struggling to find meaning in life, she battled(s) depression,  and she has a down syndrome child.

When I lived in San Francisco, I spent a great deal of time teaching motor skills and language therapy to a down syndrome little boy.  When we first met, he was out of control in both physically and verbally.  When I was approached and asked to teach him, I was shocked.  Honestly, I wanted to say no.  But something inside me decided to give it a try.  It was hard at first but we had many break throughs including getting him to use the potty for the first time at age 5.  It ended up being terribly rewarding.   We became great buddies and when it was time to move on with my life, I cried.  There will always be a place in my heart for that little guy.

Fast forward four years: During an ultra sound when I was 3 or 4 months pregnant, the technician measured my baby’s nose at barely being inside the normal growth rate. She said that this could mean that our baby could have down syndrome.  The doctor met with us and confirmed that it was a possibility and that I could get genetically tested  to see what the chances were.  After discussing further with my husband, we both came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter what the chances were, we would love this little boy.  For the remainder of my pregnancy, I was haunted by this “chance”.  Since I had previous experience with a down syndrome boy, I wondered if God had prepared me for this.  This was a hard burden to bear those long 5 months.  I prayed that God would give me a healthy baby and tried to push it out of my mind.

In Rebekah’s book, she shares some frantic and overwhelming struggles with her down syndrome son that I could very much relate to.  I have profound respect for those that care for children who require special attention.  It is exhausting in every way imaginable.

The parts of the book where she digs deep in her soul and asks the hard questions is where I slowed way down and began jotting down little notes.  Writing words that provoked the same hard questions my soul is asking.  She asks, “Why is living in the moment so difficult?” Like Rebekah, I have my daily list of things to accomplish and find myself deep in planning the next season, the next stage of life and never embracing the present moment.  Also, I have struggled with depression that was onset by a severe food allergy that caused malnutrition.  I agree with her approach that you should look at the root of the problem rather than addressing the symptoms with medicine.

After she admits she is struggling with depression and panic attacks, she spends the bulk of the book trying to finding the gift(s) that she believes you were born with but that got “shoved under the rug” with life.  While I do think that it is necessary to think back on your natural talents so that you can be a part of a greater community, being a mother is just that.  As a mother, God gave you children that you birthed and commands you to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).  The author often describes her many child-less activities including weekly meetings at coffee shops, traveling, working out in the early mornings, and going on retreats to the coast.  While these are good things in and of themselves, I don’t know many women who have the resources (both monetary and child care), that can do these things on a weekly and regular basis without compromising their role as a mother.  Overall, these were not encouraging to the general stay-at-home mother.  Don’t get me wrong, I understand that as a mother, your identity shouldn’t be only that of a mother but there are times when God fills your plate completely solely with child rearing.  In her particular case, I find myself wondering how she has all this “free” time with a special needs child.  Having spent several weekends around the clock with a down syndrome boy, there are NO free moments, not even when you are sleeping.  The author also has two other children, one of whom she hardly mentions.  One thing that she doesn’t address is her selfishness in the times when her children needed her.  She admits to several tantrums and ultimatums involving her husband dropping everything to come to the rescue.  Meanwhile, she doesn’t stop what she is doing and ask herself why she decided to do what she was doing in the first place.  When I get to the end of my rope and say, “I just can’t do this or I just can’t live like this”, it is usually because I am pushing some selfish agenda that isn’t working out the way I had planned.  More often than not, it is at the expense of those around me and my baby’s nap time.

To sum things up, this book can be thought provoking if you are already in the mindset to examine your life and you have a solid christian background.  I would have liked to see scripture references in the book rather than a list of them in the notes in the back of the book.   This book would be more helpful for mothers who have older children who require less time and are in school all day(assuming you aren’t home schooling them).  Because she is the cofounder of Q-Ideas, I had higher hopes for this book.